What the passengers think we do versus what we actually do: the list, for the next time someone says 'waitress in the sky'

Norwegian, Stockholm, and a man at a dinner party said 'waitress in the sky' to me last week and I did not have the list ready. Now I do. Feel free to use it.

What they think we do

Serve drinks. Smile. Point at the exits. Sell perfume. Look nice. Travel for free.

What we actually do, on a normal day

• The safety check of every piece of emergency equipment on the aircraft before the first passenger boards, signed for, legally.
• The security search of the cabin, every seat, every stowage, every toilet, because a thing left on an aircraft is not a lost property issue.
• The door: armed, disarmed, cross checked, and the responsibility for a slide that costs more than a house and can kill someone on the ground if deployed wrong.
• The boarding: 180 people, their bags, their seats, their arguments, in twenty minutes, while watching for the ones who are drunk, unwell, or should not be flying.
• The briefing to the passengers, which is a legal requirement, and the count of who is listening, which tells you who will help in an evacuation.
• The service, yes, which is the smallest part and the most visible.
• The medical: the first responder for 180 people at 38,000 feet with no ambulance for four hours.
• The fire fighter: trained, drilled, equipped, and the only one on board.
• The security: the last line between a disruptive passenger and the flight deck.
• The counsellor: for the frightened, the grieving, the child alone, the man who has just been told something on the phone before the doors closed.
• The cleaner, on a turnaround, of the cabin that 180 people have used for three hours.
• The evacuation, which has not happened to most of us and which every one of us can do in ninety seconds, because that is the job we are actually paid for, and the drinks are what we do while waiting for it.

The line

'I am the fire fighter, paramedic, security officer and evacuation lead for 180 people, and I also do the drinks, because the drinks are the easy part.'

Add yours. The dinner party needs it.