Dating as cabin crew: the honest thread, from the people who are managing it and the people who are not
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#1 Three years at Emirates and I have been on a total of maybe eleven dates in that time, which is roughly one every three months, which is roughly the pattern of my roster. This is not a complaint. It is a request for the honest version from crew who have made relationships work, and from crew who have decided not to bother, because both are valid and both are under discussed.
The specific problems, from where I sit:
The roster arrives two weeks out, so 'are you free on the 14th' is unanswerable until the 1st. Most people give up after the second time you say 'I do not know yet'.
You are away five to twelve nights a month and, in the Gulf, the accommodation rules make hosting complicated in the first years.
Non crew do not understand the tiredness. Explaining that you cannot go to dinner because you landed from Sydney at 6am and your body thinks it is midnight sounds like an excuse.
Crew dating crew solves all of the above and creates a new problem: two rosters, two sets of layovers, and a small community where everyone knows.
What I want to hear:
- If you are in a long term relationship with a non crew partner, how did it survive year one?
- If you married crew, how do the rosters work in practice?
- If you decided the job comes first for now, how do you handle the family questions?
No judgement in any direction. I am genuinely asking.
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#2 Married to ex crew, and I said it in another thread: it is not a coincidence. She understands the tiredness without explanation because she lived it. We met on a Hong Kong layover in 2019. For non crew partners I have watched work: the ones who have their own demanding job and do not need you around every evening. A teacher, a nurse, a chef. Someone with a 9 to 5 who wants dinner together nightly will struggle.
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#3 Married to a shift worker (paramedic) with kids, domestic flying. The rosters interleave. It works because neither of us expects normal. The family questions stopped when the kids arrived, so that is one solution, though not a recommended one on its own.
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#4 Reserve, single, three years, and I have decided the job comes first until I hold a line. The family question I answer with 'I am building seniority' and my mother has learned what that means. It is honest and it is not forever.
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#5 Crew dating crew here, both Emirates, two years. The rosters: we bid the same days off and the company will sometimes honour it. We see each other maybe 12 days a month. Everyone knows, yes. The small community is a real cost. The understanding is a real benefit. I would do it again.
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#7 Short haul, home every night, and I want to say for the applicants reading that short haul is a different dating life entirely. My partner is a non crew accountant and the only problem is the 4am alarm. Choose your fleet with this in mind if it matters to you.
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#8 Ex crew, left partly for this reason at 38, and I would say: it is manageable in your twenties and it gets harder in your thirties when the people around you have settled and you are still landing from Bangkok. Not a reason not to do it. A reason to be honest with yourself about the timeline.